Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Starting a Project

6 years defunct, I'm planning on bringing this blog back to life again. But now as mainly just a mental outlet for my now 22-year old self. The project is to write 1000 words a day on whatever topic comes to mind on that day, also trying to keep it at one topic per day as that will be a bit more constricting, which i think in this sense, is a good thing.

Admittedly, having not taken many english classes, being a math/economics double major in college and not writing regularly, I wholeheartedly expect my grammar, writing style and prose to be far below par (although hopefully not my spelling, 6th grade spelling bee winners represent.) And while this project may only last a few days, I hope that it may last a few weeks or up to a year (my personal motivation as of late hasn't exactly been stellar though), however long it lasts I think it will be a good challenge for me to work on my weaknesses, develop my outlook on many items and become more self-examining in nature all while committing to a project, developing a hobby and having something as a record of my existence and unique identity on this planet (all of these things are in my mind good qualities to have). Also, side note, just look at how poorly formed this paragraph is!

All that brings me to my first topic, which will be the origins of this project (stated briefly in the above paragraph (if that's what you'd call that)).

Recently, as a 22 year-old college graduate who was fortunate to get a job in his field of study, I've come to the shocking (not really, probably bad writing form to include sarcastic hyperbole) conclusion that my 22 year path to adulthood and responsibility and finding a job has been a bit of a false pursuit. Having landed a job that people find respectable (which in hindsight was a bad thing to spend most of my life/energy pursuing from an existential point, but good from a financial/responsibility standpoint, this dichotomy being a common them in my life) isn't fulfilling in itself, not even in the slightest, and really, all it's done is point out the fact to me that a large portion of my life is largely empty, largely wasted and not ambitious enough for my own liking given the fact that I only have one shot on this planet to lead a life worth living. Currently, my time outside of work is spent watching tv, playing video games, playing some piano, and not a lot else, so this is a first step towards changing that.

A lot of this angst started from me questioning my own identity in the face of a lot of change. Of my current identities, I don't know which one is most important or what the hierarchy is, which I think is an issue that I need to face and do something about. Gone are the days of being a son, a brother, a friend and a student. I'm no longer dependent on my parents financially, my siblings live in different cities, I have a much smaller friend circle now, and I have graduated.

Currently I have a girlfriend who I love dearly and plan on marrying, I call myself a Christian (but its daily impacts on my life are relatively debatable compared to what a Christian is called to be), I have a job, and I have a few close friends, not much else is going on.

I guess what I'm trying to understand in this journey is, what is my identity in this changing environment of my life? who am i trying to be 5 or 10 years from now? what steps can I start to take now to become that person? how do i spend my time and my life so that i don't regret the inaction or the caution that I lived my life with?

So that brings me here, a relatively modest action (1000 words a day seems like a lot to a non-writer like me, but it doesn't cost money and won't hurt me if/when I fail), a simple pledge to myself and nobody else (except for you, internet stranger, do people still read blogspot??) to commit to something that I can't see an end goal of, to make myself do something I'm not good at, and to develop my voice in this world of 7 billion voices (most of which, like mine, are vastly underdeveloped and a lot more are under heard).

The last thing I want to say right now is at the end of each day's entry I want to state the topic for the next day's entry. This will do a couple things in my mind: make it harder for me to procrastinate from starting writing that day, as well as giving me the overnight and morning to brew that topic over in my head so that I have at least a couple sentences of fodder to start with that next night.

Tomorrows Topic: Being the definition of an average guy (demographically speaking) in the modern, digital, hyper-criticized, super sensitive to racism world

P.s. was that 1000 words? I don't even know, but it feels like a decent first entry, so I'm just gonna roll with it.

'Til Tomorrow

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